Hasta Luego

"We listen to what hidden longing for a mysterious street
is in us: I have my life over there
my life that caravans made then went on their way,
and here I have my life as my bread's worth
and my questions about a destiny a passing present
tortures, and I have a beautiful chaotic tomorrow...

So let love be an unknown, and
the unknown a kind of love..."   -M. Darwish


Thank you to those who have kept up with me over the last two years while I've served in Honduras.  Your prayers and kind words have been far too important in my life to describe.

Ben Heath

Worth it.

Lots to talk about.  Not sure where to start.

I want to thank a whole lot of people first.  I've been having a rough time recently.  In my two years of working here in Honduras, I've felt so sure that this is where God has called me.  I'm not a person who sits around and wonders what God wants and what His plan is for my life.  I don't pretend like I know what He is thinking most of the time.  But He has not only shown me the road for serving here with these girls, but He has paved the road for the last 2 years.  I don't have much, but I haven't lacked anything.  This has been the first time that I've wondered if He is closing some of those doors.  It hurts my heart a little.  I don't have plans to leave nor do I want to leave at all.  But in these recent rough times, I've had so many people let me know they are praying for me or share truth from His Word or speak words of encouragement.  I would take that over a whole stack of cash right now.  Please continue praying for me.  I'm trying my best, but I'm far from perfect.

I taught a bible class this week with my older girls.  We talked about Philipians 3:7 and Paul's choice to follow Christ even if it meant losing many good things in this life.  I had the opportunity to share how Paul felt that the best things in this life were trash compared to knowing and following Christ.  I got to share 2 Corinthians 11 which is a list of the rough times that Paul went through.  He went through them because Christ is more than worth it.  I hope the girls got something out of it, but studying these verses reminded me that He is worth fighting for.  He is worth suffering for. 

I got to pick up a good friend from the airport today.  I brought a book to read on the bus ride back home.  I didn't get a chance to read but I laughed so hard I cried at one point.  Such a nice change.

My friend brought me some pictures that have been taken over the last year.  One of them in particular reminded me who I want to be.  I want to be family to these girls down here.

If you pray for me, please pray that God would continue to work in me.  I want my life to be an example of Christ's love and glorifying to His name.  Also, I'm stressed about a situation with my passport.  As I make travel plans over the next weeks and months, please keep me in your prayers concerning this situation.  The fuzz scare me on an international level sometimes.  He is good and He is in control. 

Throw me a bone here

Hey yo.  Long time no talk.  I'm going to write a short blog.

So, I'll update on ministry and school stuff in the next week or so.  Tonight, I want to talk about the Botkin Soup Kitchen and some help that I need.  There are about 9 children who come every night to the Botkin's house that I am sleeping at.  They like food.  I was making sandwiches, until I figured out I was going to be bankrupt making 10 sandwiches every night.  So now we do rice bags most nights and sandwiches on the weekend according to my budget needs.

Also, there is a 6th grader in the family who is graduating from primary school.  The mother has been by to ask me for a LARGE amount of money.  Well, large for Honduran single mothers or broke missionaries.  Its 800 lempira, or about 40 dollars. 

So here is how you can help.  If you would like to get some food money coming in for these kids, you can.  Its not going through the PTC minisry or has anything to do with our girls, but it is a need.  These kids don't have shoes or clean clothes which all of our girls have.  But I'll be here for the next 7 weeks and the Botkins will be here until Jesus comes back.  So if you'd like to help the food kitchen, let me know.

Also, the kid that needs 40 dollars.  I told the mother that I would ask some of my rich american friends.  I said that if nobody else wanted to help her, I would pay for it.  Which I plan to.  But, it is a large sacrifice for me.  This is me asking if anybody wants to donate 40 bucks so a kid can graduate.  Or, if you wanted to donate a little, i'll cover the rest.  Let me know. 

"Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world."  James 1:27

"that he lay his life down for his friends"

Stressed, so I'm going to ramble.  Its been a rough day.  Not frustrating, more difficult. 

I keep thinking of moments that I won't forget.  I met my first niece last October.  I missed being home when she was born.  She was a month early and I got there 2 days late.  I remember seeing the first time when she opened her eyes.  I met my second niece in June of this year.  I missed her being born and she was a month old before I could get back.  I remember hearing her cry for the first time.  It wasn't a scream.  She was sad.  It was beautiful.  I remember thinking about how my brother and his wife are going to take care of her when she is sad.  I won't forget these moments if I live to be a hundred.

I had another one today.  I can't explain all of it.  I picked up a girl who ran away.  I had been looking for her for several hours.  I was wet and cold because it was raining.  When I found her, she was wet and cold as well.  I thought she would be angry.  I thought she would run.  She was sad and asked me for help.  It broke my heart.

I think about these girls.  It makes me angry sometimes that I'm one of the best options they have.  They should have parents who fight for them, but they don't.  I don't know how to help them most of the time.  I commit whole-heartedly to the school, because I think an education is the best way I can help them.  I wish I could fight for them like a good father would.  I wish I could take care of them like my brothers take care of their daughters.  Some of the little ones, I'm old enough to be their dad.  I clean a 2 year old's nose every day when I get to the farm, because I think that a good father wouldn't let his daughter have snot on her face. 

"Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends" -John 15:13. 

People keep asking me how much longer I'm going to be in Honduras, like I have other plans.  I'm not going to leave my girls.  Not for money or security or a profession or respect or a family of my own.  If I never amount to anything, but I can make these girls feel important, thats enough for me.

Update from the Coal Mine

Whew.  Alright, I'm not really even going to apologize for only writing about the school anymore.  My primary way of showing the love of Christ to these girls is through giving them an education.  So, thats what I do and thats all I can generally think of when making these things.

We made IEP's.  Or, the Honduran equivalent.  One of the big problems that we run into down here is girls that are behind with their education.  Sometimes WAY behind.  Sometimes too far behind.  It worries me because I want their futures to be better than their pasts.  So, I sat down with teachers and girls and we made 6 month educational schedules graphing their official accredidation program.  This was trickier than it sounds because each of the girls do their own work-at-your-own-pace book and are in different lessons. This way, we as the teachers will be able to hold the girl's accountable for their progress and be able to identify problems quicker before they get big.  It also helps us as the school staff to keep girls on a pace to graduate highschool when they are around 18.  I also included behavioral and educational notes per individual girl.  I did this so all of the teachers and future teachers can be aware of the reoccuring difficulties and be united on how to approach them.  This put me more at ease.  It looks good, but more important than appearance, I think it is going to be effective.

I've been teaching again.  For about 4 months or so I was only administrating.  It turned out good, because we had alot of organizing and planning to do, but I missed teaching.  I've been covering math for the 4-6 grade as well as the girls in 7th and higher.  I've also been teaching a Honduran history class and a world history class.  In the afternoons I teach an English class focusing on reading and writing and verb usage.  They are all going great.  I really enjoy teaching.

Teaching gives me a different perspective on what we can do better at the school.  This is great because we are really making progress through identifying problems and making the system better.  Its a little stressful though to only think about problems all day.  I'm about 5 weeks in on identifying problems, and though we are making headway, it weighs on a person.  I look forward to a day when I can focus on maintaining a great system instead of fixing things.  I'm not sure that that day will ever actually exist, but its a Carribean island in my mind.

A few things we need.  I'm focusing on math this week.  I could use all kinds of math books.  The way we generally do math is we use one book and put problems on the board for the girls.  Sometimes, the book is in English but the class is in Spanish, so a set wouldn't help.  I've been using Georgia Performance Standards the last month and a half to do great-sweeping reviews until Mr. Jeremiah returns.  But I could really use a book of geometry, algebra I and II, pre-algebra, and even some lower grade level text books.  I don't like alot of what I see here, so I would prefer some from the states.  So if you are a teacher, know teachers, and contacts with teachers, or have ever had a teacher that you could bother, give him or her a sob story for me.  This would be a huge help.

Keep praying for us down here.

Slowing down a bit.

I have a lot of stuff to talk about.  I have alot of stuff going on down here.  It feels good.  Mostly its all school things.  Now that we have things semi-under control, we're branching out, adding new education paths, forming IEP type plans for individuals, organizing discipline, setting behavioral and educational consequences,......the list goes on. 

But I don't want to talk about that.

Today was a great day.  I got to teach.  I taught two math classes, a Honduran history class, an ancient world history class, and an English class.  Thats the way I get to show love down here.  I operate under the idea that the message Christ and the love of Christ go hand in hand.  So thats how I get to show Christ's love.  I really enjoy the way He lets me show it.

I also got to administer the school.  I talked with my teachers and had opportunities to serve them as they do their jobs.  Its such a lovely relationship.  I never wanted to be the boss of anybody.  And while I'm officially in charge of four teachers, I try not to be a boss.  My plan is to serve my teachers and hold them accountable as they teach my girls.  They do such a wonderful job.  My girls are getting an AMAZING education because of the teachers who work for me.  Its beautiful when it works out right.  Today, it just worked out right.

Then after school, I went and sat in front of the kitchen.  For about an hour I held the most adorable 4 year old in the world and fought her away from writting on my shoes or stepping on parts of my body that would hurt.  I talked with a group of girls in Spanish for about an hour.  We talked about how I was going to start working out so I could intimidate their boyfriends when they are older.  We talked about the past.  About why I deserve to be called "Doctor" Ben (8 pigs, 1 goat, and 1 human delivered or facilitated).  We laughed about stories from the past.  Its strange that I've been here long enough to laugh about stories in the past told in Spanish.

Then I came home (or to the Botkins' home actually).  I stopped for some sliced ham on the way.  Before I could get my motorcycle cut off, there were 4 kids on the porch.  I made sandwiches for them and talked about what they did at school today.  After their sandwiches, we talked some more over caramels and gum while they poured dirt on my chonchitos (little piggies [toes....come on]).  I have wash my feet before going to bed. 

Its just been nice to slow down.  Everything is not perfect.  Tomorrow will be busy and things will not go according to plan.  But we serve a really good God who has it all under control.

Feet

Lets talk about feet.  We try to keep a working list of abilities of staff members at the farm.  Lists like, “This person can’t do vomit.”  Or “this person can handle blood.”  One of the things I’m alright with is feet.  Not in a creepy way, but in a soap and water kind of way.  One day last week, a 4 year old was saying that her feet hurt.  She had been wearing rain boots without socks and had rubbed a blister.  Well, there were a few layers of dirt and grime before we could get to the blister.  I felt useful cleaning that little girl’s feet.

The next day, I walked up to Mrs. Pam’s house to find Courtney outside looking sick.  I asked her what was wrong, and she said to walk inside.  Another little girl had been wearing her rain boots for a LONG time without socks.  She had popped her tootsies out, and it was rank.  I don’t smell very well, but it smacked me in the nose holes. 

A few days later, I heard Natali talking about a foot washing.  I thought this was purely hygienic.  In the past we’ve had a lice war where for several hours adults pulled lice.  I figured this was a battle against horrible smelling feet.  I was ready.  I was going to be Maximus Aurelia of slaughtering foot grime.  I was going to taunt bad foot hygiene as it was annihilated and made an example of for all of its friends. 

That’s not what was going on.

What was really happening was a ceremony.  We had candles lit, and benches in an L shape around where the staff was sitting with towels and water.  If this sounds strange, its because it was.  It was the last night that the staff that we’ve had for the last year would be together.  It was explained that the people sitting on the floor were living in Honduras for the purpose of serving these little girls with our lives because that what God called us to do.  It was said that we were going to wash the girls’ feet whether they wanted it or not, as a last act of the service we had all given together. 

I got to thinking about Christ obviously.  Some of us have heard about the foot washing at the last supper so many times that its just part of the story.  I got to thinking about how Christ must have loved the owners of the feet he washed.  I got to thinking about how He pursues people.  I got to thinking about how much I care for these little girls down here, and how that care doesn’t hold water compared to the love Christ has for us. 

So we didn’t wash feet because they were dirty, but because little girls need love.  We have for the last year tried to follow Christ’s example of self-denying service, and we ended our time together in the same manner. 

 We need a lot of prayer.  The Botkins are in the states for 3 months.  They are a huge part of what is going on down here, and there will be a hole until they return.  Natali is departing for the states on Sunday.  There aren’t enough words to talk about the work she has done in this corner of the world.  Needless to say, she will be missed in any place that she is not.  Courtney leaves out the following Friday.  She has spent nearly 3 months here and has been kind to girls and uplifting to the staff. 

Please pray for the remaining staff as we are working on slim numbers.

Also, we have a new little girl.  She is 13.  I can’t spell her name and I don’t know her story.  God will know who you’re talking about though when you pray.